Actual Classified Ads

“Stock up and save. Limit: one.”
“We build bodies that last a lifetime.”
“For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.”
“Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.”
“Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!”
“Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.”
“Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.”
“Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.”
“3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.”
“Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.”
“Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.”
“Illiterate? Write today for free help.”
“Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.”
“Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.”
“And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.”
“We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.”