No Wonder English is So Hard to Learn

We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt

Rules for Writers

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Don't use no double negatives.
12. Proffered carefully to see if you any words out.

Tax Cut Support from a Surprising Source

"A tax cut means higher family income and higher business profits and a balanced federal budget.... As the national income grows, the federal government will ultimately end up with more revenues. Prosperity is the real way to balance our budget. By lowering tax rates, by increasing jobs and income, we can expand tax revenues and finally bring our budget into balance."  John F. Kennedy.  

 

Heckuva Job, Holder

"Failure is not an option," Attorney General Eric Holder once blustered
about his plan to treat terrorists as civilian criminals, but last
week's verdict in the Ahmed Ghailani trial--the defendant, a former
Guantanamo detainee, was acquitted on 284 of 285 counts in the 1998
embassy bombings--proves that failure is a possibility.

White House tweaked drilling report to support the end result

Say it ain't so!  The White House "tweaked" a report so the results would fit into its moratorium on offshore drilling. 

Keynesian vs. Kenyan

Here’s a You Tube video of a bunch of people who apparently confuse “Keynesian” (the economic thought that teaches massive government involvement and stimulus is needed to grow the economy) and “Kenyan” (a person who is from, well, Kenya).  This was filmed at the Restore Sanity rally on Oct. 30.  Hopefully, these people weren’t representative of the crowd in attendance . . . but something tells me otherwise.   

 

BTW, Keynesian is pronounced “KEEN-sian” or “KANE-sian”.  I guess that’s how people got confused.  I also noticed how white the crowd was.  Funny how there’s no mention of that from the media.  That was something constantly pointed out during the Restore America rally held weeks earlier. 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-37qUrgFXQ

Ironic advertisement placement

The Houston Chronicle has two advertisements, one on top of the other.  The one on bottom is for the Chronicle's Fraud Scene Investigator.  It says "Sometimes what looks like a smart way to invest your money is really just a scam. Scam artists are experts at making bad deals sound great - so anyone is prey."  The ad on top?  A request to support Obama.  How ironic is that!!!

Obama refers to Americans as "enemies"

“If Latinos sit out the election instead of saying, ‘We’re gonna punish our enemies and we’re gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us,’ if they don’t see that kind of upsurge in voting in this election, then I think it’s gonna be harder and that’s why I think it’s so important that people focus on voting on November 2.”

Israelis, Palestinians agree not to embarrass Obama before midterm elections

http://www.mcclatchydc.com/2010/10/19/102294/israelis-palestinians-agree-not.html

"Those who are always accusing people in the private sector of 'greed' almost never accuse government of greed, no matter what it does. Indeed, the question of whether the government is greedy almost never comes up, so most of us probably never think about it.”  Thomas Sowell

 

Weird Library Questions

Actual reference queries reported by American and Canadian library reference desk workers of various levels.
"Do you have books here?"
"Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"
"Do you have a list of all the books I've ever read?"
"I'm looking for Robert James Waller's book, 'Waltzing through Grand Rapids'." (Actual title wanted: "Slow Waltz in Cedar Bend.")
"Do you have that book by Rushdie: 'Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")
"Where is the reference desk?" This was asked of a person sitting at a desk who had, hanging above her head, a sign saying "REFERENCE DESK"!
"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?"
"Which outlets in the library are appropriate for my hairdryer?"
"Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?"
"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?"
"I need a color photograph of George Washington [Christopher Columbus, King Arthur, Moses, Socrates, etc.]"
"I need a photocopy of Booker T. Washington's birth certificate."
"I need to find out Ibid's first name for my bibliography."
"Why don't you have any books by Ibid? He's written a lot of important stuff."
"I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck."
"Is the basement upstairs?" (Asked at First Floor Reference Desk)
"I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months."

Insight

"We demand entire freedom of action and then expect the government in some miraculous way to save us from the consequences of our own acts.... Self-government means self-reliance." --President Calvin Coolidge (1873-1933)

"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him." --American writer Robert A. Heinlein (1907-1988)

Comparison of 2 Presidents

Ray Stevens on illegal immigration

Click HERE

Anonymous Quotes

• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
• We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
• War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.
• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
• Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
• I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
• A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
• Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."
• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
• Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
• I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
• Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
• There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
• You're never too old to learn something stupid.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Actual Classified Ads

“Stock up and save. Limit: one.”
“We build bodies that last a lifetime.”
“For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.”
“Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.”
“Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!”
“Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.”
“Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.”
“Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.”
“3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.”
“Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.”
“Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.”
“Illiterate? Write today for free help.”
“Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.”
“Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.”
“And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.”
“We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.”

August Jobs

The latest unemployment numbers are out – 9.6%. The country lost a net of 54,000 jobs. The private sector actually added 67,000 jobs, but the government cut 121,000. Since most of those government cuts were temporary census workers, those cuts come as no surprise. What is surprising is the loss of 54,000 jobs is being hailed as “progress”. That’s because the losses were worse in July, so I guess it is progress – about like the way a kid going from a 10 to a 15 on an Algebra test is “progress”. But in both cases, it’s still an ‘F’.

But its’ surprising to see how low we’ve come in our expectations. From Jan. 2001 to Dec. 2006, 7.5 million jobs were created and countless others were "saved". That's an average of 100,000+ net jobs created per month. Now we're hearing how wonderful it is that we lost "only" 54,000, by the same folks who complained that the 7.5 million weren't enough. Oh, and in Dec. 2006, unemployment was 4.6%.

So what happened? Here's a hint: Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid took control of their respective chambers in Congress in Jan. 2007 and have held it ever since. That "mess" Obama keeps saying he inherited came courtesy of his own party!

Stress Diet

A Diet For Dealing With Stress

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. Examples: Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots & Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: Spinach & Pistachio Ice Cream; Mushrooms & Mashed Potatoes.
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We all know how calories like to cling!!)

REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS.

ARRA

 

Check out my blog:  www.thereflux

Recall

Fw: Obamanomics

Al Gore's newest mansion

Most of the media ignored this: Al Gore recently bought a 2nd home - a $9 million mansion in CA.  Now we know why he's so concerned about global warming - it made him tons of money!

 

http://newsbusters.org/blogs/noel-sheppard/2010/05/03/stunning-pictures-al-gores-new-9-million-mansion-media-totally-ignore

Hope Floats?

This was shot from the Nashville floods this past weekend.  Notice the banner on the building.  I guess HOPE doesn't float after all - at least not when it encounters an obstacle.  Maybe that thing that smashes into it is a crate full of TEA!  Ironically, this building smashes into about the only useful thing out there and sinks it - a fishing boat!

 

Van

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHPKSpnHHOM