What would my dog say if she could talk?

I often thought "if Peanut could talk (that's our Golden Retriever) , what would she say?" I mean look at the picture - doesn't she look like she would say at least one of these?

"Well, YOUR breath doesn't smell so good either."

"No, I don't know why my leg does that when you scratch me."

"You're acting weird, so it must mean we're going to the Vet."

"They want to express my what??!!!"

"The next time the Vet does THAT, somebody's gonna get bit!"

"Don't tell me it's going to be okay. Does your doctor do THAT to YOU?!!"

"Yoo hoo! Dog's gotta go wee-wee!"

"Oh. It's only you. I thought it was somebody."

"Pet me? . . . . . . . . . . Pet me. . . . . . . . . . . . PET ME!!!"

"Dog food again?"

"I didn't do it."

"Squirrel!"

"I'll make you a deal - I'll stop staring if you'll stop eating that steak."

"Go ahead - blame the dog."

"I saw you slip that pill in with my dog food."

"Tell you what, while we're at the Vet, let's pretend you're the dog."

"It was the kids. Honest."

"How can you look at this face and not feed me chicken?"

"What?"

"I'll trade you one bowl of dog food for one steak bone."

"Woof!" (which means "Hey!" in human language)

"You threw it. YOU go get it."

"It's slobber. Get used to it."

"Haven't you ever scooted your booty across the carpet? You oughta try it sometime."

"I sleep so much during the day because you snore so much during the night!"

And while at the dog park: "Hey mister, you call THAT a dog??!!!"