You're From Houston If . . .

Okay, so I wasn't born and raised in Houston. I wasn't even born in Texas. But I think I've lived here long enough that I'm beginning to understand this area. So here are MY takes on living in Houston. Not all of these apply to everyone. Traffic:

• You know what a ‘Texas exit’ is . . . and have done it.
• You allot 20 extra minutes to drive somewhere in case of traffic, even if the trip is only 5 miles.
• You think ‘Speed Limit’ is merely a suggestion.

Entertainment:

• Your church cancels services for ‘Go Texan’ day.
• The rodeo features Clint Black, Carrie Underwood, Toby Keith, Beyonce’, ZZ Top, Snoop Dogg, Black Eyed Peas, and Dave Matthews . . . and that’s just for the first week.
• You get to root for 3 losing professional teams all at once, no matter what time of year.

Weather:

• You think 6 inches of rain in a day is ‘a little bit’.
• A threat of snow 200 miles to the north is enough to have special coverage on the evening news.
• A hurricane somewhere in the world is all that’s needed to throw a Hurricane Party.
• You think 70 degrees is ‘just right’; 60 is ‘a little chilly’; 50 is ‘sweater weather’; and 40 is ‘time for the parka’.
• You think there are two seasons: ‘Summer’ and ‘Really Hot’
• You get warm water out of the Cold tap.
• Your rose bushes are in full bloom . . . in January.
• You name street intersections by the amount of floodwater they hold, as in “Saw an 18 wheeler floating in Ten Foot Gulch today” (i.e. I-10 and Beltway 8).
• You light up the fireplace when it’s 50 degrees outside.

Outdoors:

• Your biggest outdoor exercise fear is laying unconscious on the asphalt and cooking to death.
• Someone tells you there’s an alligator in the neighborhood swimming pool, and your response is “Again??”
• You know at least one person who’s lost a pet to an alligator.
• You know of someone who was knocked off their bike by a wild hog.
• Other areas have songbirds, but all you have are grackles.

Living:

• You pay dues to a homeowners’ association (HOA) but can’t figure out what it does.
• Gaining approval from your HOA to plant a single rose bush in the front yard requires more paperwork than your tax return.
• You lost your pet to an alligator and your HOA sends you a letter reminding you about the deed restrictions on not feeding wild animals.
• Your HOA deed restrictions carry more weight than state law.
• The county Mosquito Control department sprays year-round . . . and from airplanes.
• Your garage is bigger than your backyard.
• You can easily name 20 people who work in the Oil & Gas industry, not counting yourself and your children.
• There are 3 Wal-Marts all within 20 minutes from your house (okay, 40 with traffic).

Immigration:

• You’re unquestionably in favor of immediate deportation of all illegal immigrants . . . except for your lawn care guys.
• You think Spanglish is a real language.
• You have at least one friend of Mexican-Vietnamese heritage (Mexinese).
• You are surprised when the person behind the fast food counter actually knows English.
• You think Tex-Mex is a fusion cuisine.
• You see nothing unusual about a Mexican cook working at a Chinese restaurant.
• English is no longer the first language option on your bank’s ATM.