Liar, liar: Statements I think Congressmen would make if they were honest

Did you ever see the movie "Liar, Liar"? It's where the character played by Jim Carrey is put under a 'curse' - one where he cannot tell a lie. If our Congressmen were put under such a 'curse', I bet these are some things they'd say.

• "I rarely understand any of the spending bills I vote on. In fact, I don't read most of them. Instead, I rely on staffers to tell me what each bill says."
• "I don't allow staffers to tell me HOW to vote - that's for the lobbyists."
• "Congress holds hearings to cover up our own mistakes, hoping the public won't notice. Most of the time, it works."
• "We see televised hearings and press conferences as free advertising for our re-election. Without the cameras, we wouldn't show up."
• "If you call or visit my D.C. office and are told that I'm in a committee meeting, that's code for 'He's meeting with lobbyists.' If you're told that I'm working on important legislation, that's code for 'He's meeting with lobbyists in Jamaica.'"
• "It's a rule: we have to take a whole week off for every one day national holiday. We also get a whole month for two consecutive holidays."
• "We really, really, really don't like facing the voters back home. We'd rather be golfing with lobbyists. That's why you don't see us very much once we go off to Washington."
• "We sincerely believe lobbyists represent the needs of our constituents. Even if I represent Texas and the lobbyist is representing Inuits, I still believe that."
• "After a few years, we forget that most Americans cannot give themselves pay raises and benefits like we can."
• "99.999% of Americans would be fired for missing as much work as we do."
• "I spend more time raising money than I do reading legislation."
• "I know more lobbyists than I do constituents."
• "Lobbyists who call on me get my personal attention. That's why I can't be bothered with meeting you."
• "Most the the current economic mess was caused by too much meddling by government, not by too little. But we believe that by convincing the public otherwise is job security for us."
• "We can't be bothered with solving those problems. That's why we create government agencies."
• "Most Congressmen think they are smarter than their constituents."
• "Even though the average Congressman makes more money than 98% of Americans, we don't include ourselves in the category of 'rich'. That's for everyone making more than we do."
• "Most government agencies would fail if they were private businesses."
• "News of government waste kills our chances for re-election. That is why we work feverishly to find some corporate wrongdoing to distract voters."
• "Corporate wrongdoings pale in comparison to government waste."
• "We want government involved in YOUR lives, not OURS."
• "I really believe the country would fall apart overnight if I was defeated in the next election."